Scott & Adriana

What’s in a name? Is it the pretty sounds that the letters make together? Is it the memories that come back of that boy you dated in freshman year of high school? I can remember when Scott and I got engaged. One of the top questions people would ask was, “What’s your new last name going to be?”

“Oh, I’m not changing my name,” I would tell people.

Then I would get a bunch of questions that would force me to go into a long explanation, defending my decision. Something about how I really like my name and I thought the first and last went very well together. Adriana Saldaña. It’s been my name forever. It just rolls off the tongue. Some agreed. For others, it was not a clear explanation and they would just look at me funny. I had to listen to people’s different opinions about how important it is to bring a family together with one last name. Except for my brother, no one else in my family has my same last name and we come together just fine. The children will suffer if both parents don’t have the same last name. The invisible children will be FINE.

I sort of envied those people that had no problem changing their last name. Erasing their maiden name and embracing their new married name. The real explanation for not changing my name is really quite simple. I wonder if I had just told people the real reason, if it would have saved me a lot of explaining. Or just brought up a lot more questions that I didn’t really care to go into. Simply, the real reason is I haven’t seen my dad since I was ten. If he ever came looking for me, I didn’t want to make it hard for him to find me. That’s it, none of this mumbo jumbo about how my first and last name both end in ANA and whatever else. It was always my gut feeling that I never actually thought my dad would come looking for me, but you never know so I left it at that.

A few days before father’s day just a few weeks ago, it finally happened. My gut feeling was confirmed. I found out my dad had passed away. Ok, well then, there goes my excuse. (Editor’s note: blogger’s flippant comments on this topic should not be taken as uncaring and unfeeling.  There is plenty of care and feeling on this topic, just not an interest in going into detail about it here.)

I put serious thought into changing my name, just as I had done when I got engaged and throughout my marriage. Easy, just drop Saldaña and insert Spencer. How hard can it be? Apparently harder than I thought. After careful consideration, research and self reflection, I couldn’t’ bring myself to just whack off the Saldaña name. I couldn’t do it, I tried. It meant more to me than just the fact that I thought it sounded good with my first name. That it kinda rhymes with my first name. All the consideration, research and self reflection brought me to the ever-popular hyphenated last name. Maybe not so popular but, at least according to my sister’s high school year book, it seems that half the population of Watsonville is hyphenated.

So there I go with my decision. Marching off to the Social Security Administration and to the DMV with my marriage license, which has just been collecting dust for the last few years. The lady at the DMV processed all my paperwork and I said thank you. As I was getting ready to head out she said, “You’re going to hate having your last name hyphenated.”

“Really,” I said with a smile. 

“Yeah, wah, wah, wah, I was hyphenated when I first got married. Wah, wah, wah, I hated it, such a drag. Wah, wah, wah, husband insisted my kids be hyphenated, wah wah,” she spewed her story at me.

“Ok, thanks,” I said on my way out, still with a smile.

I thought to myself, well good thing I don’t have a husband that is insistent on doing things that I don’t agree with. And things will only be as much of a drag as I allow them to be. And, by the way, I don’t care to explain myself to a stranger on why I decided to go down this road. It’s been a long journey to get to this road. Lots of stopping to smell the roses. And, lots of self reflection. I get to live with how much of a drag this will be for me. Strangers don’t need to concern themselves with my decision. Although, just as the lady at the DMV did, I’m sure others will too. There are plenty of people out there doling out unsolicited advice.

What was priceless for me was watching my husband open his fifth-anniversary present this past weekend. The little box containing the new temporary driver’s license read Adriana Saldaña-Spencer.